Grace Phelps

A Battle with Fear

Originally Written 01.06.2022

A war has been waging between fear and my soul for as long as I can remember. I wish it wasn’t part of my story, but it is. I want to be someone who is strong and brave and fearless in any situation. But I’m not. Fear is my inward struggle. I thought no one else could see it. I did not want people to know. Like I said, I wanted to seem brave.

One day my mom was comparing the four children in my family to the main characters from

Winnie the Pooh. I was hoping to be compared to Tiger or Pooh, but she compared me to Piglet. At first, I was a bit offended. Then, I started thinking about it.

If you didn’t grow up watching the Winnie the Pooh cartoon show as a child, a quick google search will inform you that Piglet’s character is defined by being an “incredibly timid, fragile, and insecure animal” (disney.fandom.com).This is not who I wanted to be compared to. This is not how I wanted to be perceived by others. I realized in this moment that my internal struggles were visible through my external words and actions.

Looking back at my life, this is so evident. 

In Kindergarten, I threw up every day because I was so anxious to be at school and away from my mom. Y’all, I literally had my own My Little Ponies vomit bucket. It was pink.

In elementary school, I went on amazing trips with my dad. I thought I was so cool because I was traveling and seeing new places. On the inside, before every trip, my stomach was doing somersaults. What if the plane crashes? What if my family dies while I’m away? What if..? What if..? Nowadays when I travel, I can still pick out the spots where I threw up in several airports due to the anxiety that welled up inside of me. Gross, I know…

In middle school, family life was a little crazy. I couldn’t control many factors in my life, so I grasped onto what I could. I spent two hours every night locking every window and door in my house. Literally every single one. Then locking them again and maybe locking them more time, just to be safe. I though to myself, “I am protecting my family. They will think I am brave.” But really I was only doing those things because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t.

In high school, I dated a boy for three and a half years. It was fun. It was great. I thought people admired me for having my life all figured out. In reality, I was scared of not knowing what the future might look like, so I stayed in that relationship longer than I should have. I let fear guide the choices I made.

In college, I tried to be the fun, joyful girl whose love for God and people was unmatched. Most of the time I was that girl. But sometimes, I was gripped by fear and paralyzed by panic attacks.

I don’t share these stories to receive sympathy, but only to let other people know they are not alone. And that fear steals from the fullness of life that God has created us for. If you struggle with fear and anxiety, that does not have to define you anymore.

You can walk in freedom with Christ Jesus.

Yes, I still struggle with fear at times, but God has so graciously taught me what it looks like to trust in Him and not be afraid. God has created me for so much more than being paralyzed by fear.

I have not given you a spirit of fear. But of power, love and a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

Wow! Praise God. In my darkest moments, this verse is my anthem. The phrase “Do not be afraid” is written 365 times in the Word of God. One time for every day of the year. It is clear that living in fear is not God’s design for us. Everyday, we have a reminder to not be afraid. God calls us to trust him and walk confidently in the identity that he gives us.

In Jesus name, we have power over the spirits of fear that try to hold us back from the fullness that God has for us. God’s word says that we have victory because of Jesus death and resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:57). You do not need to be a slave to fear anymore!

Anxiety is not our name. Fear is not our identity.

God has created me as his delicate daughter and this is not a weakness. It is a strength that he has equipped me with to spread the gospel and love others. Because of my delicate spirit, I can reach people and connect to those who would not be receptive to a person with a bold and loud personality. I was ashamed to live out the very way God created me, but there is so much freedom in finding my identity in who God says I am. God has also created you so uniquely and wonderfully. I encourage you to ask him how he made you and how he sees you.

In moments when I am afraid some of my favorite scriptures to turn to are:

I encourage you to memorize these scriptures, so they are readily available in your mind when fear tries to take residence in your mind.

Another thing that has been so powerful for me as I learn to walk in authority over fear is to worship. When I feel fear creeping into my mind, focusing on who God is literally evaporates my fear. God is bigger than anything that I may ever be afraid of.

Father God, thank you that you are all powerful and Lord over all. Thank you that you have not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind. I pray that you would help me to walk in boldness and trust in you at all times. May I turn to you when I feel fear creeping into my mind. I am your daughter and you are with me. Thank you God. I love you. Amen.

Remember, you are a dearly loved child of God! You are not fighting alone. The Lord is before you, behind you, beside you and within you. I am praying over you. You can walk in freedom into the abundant life God has created for you. love and hugs ❤

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